BORA-BORA CAVES, AFGHANISTAN (The Daily Strawberry) – Terrorists all over the world are closing their Facebook accounts in anger over the news that the American government has been spying on their activities on the social networking service, a terrorist source in Afghanistan said today.
“We feel betrayed,” said a terrorist spokesman who gave his name as Hassan. “We thought Facebook was private. If you did not ‘friend’ someone, they could not see what you were posting. Right? But here come these National Security Agency types and look at all the strictly private stuff we share among ourselves, and they don’t even tell us that they are doing it.”
“We have a Facebook group called ‘Death to America’,” Hassan said. “We use this Facebook group to plan attacks on American interests around the world. And when some of us have done something, we post a video for our friends to see it and comment.”
Hassan continued: “We also share tips about car bomb making, how to wear suicide bomb vests and that holy grail of terrorism, how to build a nuclear bomb. None of this is the business of anyone else. The ‘Death to America’ group is by invitation only, and frankly we feel betrayed that Facebook has handed our online chatter over to US spies based on nothing at all, not even suspicion.”
“We did not see this coming,” Hassan said. “We are very disappointed. Who can you trust these days? Facebook has let us down. To save our group, we have decided to drop Facebook and instead use phone text messages on Verizon.”